Darling one,
Your joy matters. Maybe more than ever.
This last week has been devoted to diving down a happiness and fun rabbit hole. I do this. I get fascinated by something and I want to know everything about it. And what I’ve ultimately discovered in said hole is…we’re all terribly unhappy and we don’t know how to have actual fun.
Curious about how I got here? Well, last week I listened to Dr. Laurie Santos talk about the science of happiness, which led me to listen to a conversation with journalist Catherine Price about the power of fun. As a result of these two events I’m now reading Catherine’s book, participating in something called a Fun-tervention, tracking daily delights, enrolled in a free Yale course about happiness and wellbeing…oh, and I went to an aqua aerobics class [I was the youngest by about twenty years and the next day felt like I had the calves of a Tour De France cyclist.]
I care about my own joy. I care about your joy. But now it’s more of a priority than ever.
What I’ve discovered is our need to be softer with ourselves. Our capacity for self-compassion needs honing. You’re so bloody hard on yourself, darling, so bloody hard. I want you to drop the whip, because you’ve lashed yourself across the back enough. Whatever form of masochistic harm you’ve adopted to numb out, quieten, self-flagellate, or ignore, acknowledge it and put it down…even for a second. My metaphorical whip is food. Food over feelings. Food over feeling and listening to what I really want or need. I’ve known this was the case for a long time, but now I’m going to really consciously make some choices that honour truth, my resilience and my joy is at the heart of that. I want to say I see you and it’s okay to acknowledge it hurts and it’s hard, because it is. Your pain is valid. But, my darling, so is your joy. We’ve forgotten that. I want you to remember that you are doing, and have done, the best you can with the information you have at the time. It’s just that now it might be time for some new information.
Take a breath, fill your lungs, check-in with yourself. Tell yourself something lovely…like, how deeply impressive it is that you have navigated all of the wild shit you’ve navigated to be here right now, reading this. Getting by, trudging through the world, considering your needs, and meeting others, its a lot. Your effort is worthy of celebration and kindness.
Please be kinder to yourself.
The physiology of our bodies is changed because of how we choose to interpret events and the stories we attach to things, our thoughts allow emotions to follow, and we know we can change our thoughts, so, what’s a kinder thought? What’s a more joyous thought? What feels better? Drop your shoulders, unclench your jaw, breathe…breathe…breathe.
In Play Group, the amazing group I work with on a Tuesday night, we’re on a quest to inject more play and creativity into our lives, and this week we’ve been thinking about our younger selves and what they loved, and making a conscious effort to honour them. Maybe there’ll be clues for you there too. What did you love when you were younger? Or maybe just devote a slice of your day to something that feels good. Just because. We have bodies and brains and feelings primed to feel good. Let’s do what we can to release the joy valve and take some of the pressure of performing like high-functioning adults. Because none of us acutally have any idea what we’re doing. That’s the point. We’re all big, messy, feeling, rule following, hurt and healing creatures doing our best. You’re more resilient than you realise.
Why did we stop playing? Why did we stop being silly? It’s the silliest thing of them all.
Go well, darling one.
Yours in joy.
Love Claire.
The Rabbit Hole Content if you too are curious…