Next Best Choice.

Next best choice is the best advice I’ve ever given, and ever received.

Next best choice is the best advice I’ve ever given, and ever received.

When the tidal wave of circumstance is so big you can barely catch a breath, when the overwhelm is real, when there feels like there’s too much to do, or think about, these three words become a practical anchor.

NEXT. BEST. CHOICE.

Something to ground my love in action and help the ones I care about, and something to help myself feel proactive when the chaos feels too big.

What is the next best choice, darling one?

…and then the power went out as I wrote that…actually, and I cried. You see, the last few days I’ve been navigating a flood situation at my home, and in my community. here in Meanjin, and, so I burst into big, urgent stress tears. The power cutting out was the last thing in my very full brain and I felt the full force of the incomprehensible too-muchness of the last few days, and lets be honest, last few years.

I then asked myself…What is the next best choice?

Right then, the next best choice was feeling my feelings, venting to my love, who listened and understood that I didn’t advice, just ‘this fucking sucks,’ on repeat.

Then the next best choice was to acknowledge the guilt I felt about being upset because others have it so much worse off than I do, and acknowledging that this feeling is just mean, and unhelpful. I don’t need to de-legitimise how I feel.

If I feel it, it’s real.

So, I channeled this feeling into action, and donated money to the flood related Go Fund Me’s of people I know, or friends and family of friends. The chemicals that gratitude, and actively doing something for others, gets our brain to pump the good chemicals, and relax our nervous system. And that’s what we want, because a relaxed nervous system means we can actually make the next best choice from an informed and rational place.

Then, I wanted to move the negativity out of my body, so I took my pug for a walk. Which gifted me many a giggle as I laughed at her as she smelled a million new smells and got startled by flood water. What a glorious dickhead.

Then, the next best choice when I got home was to watch funny dog related videos.

And then, come back here…words on the page, I work out how I feel when I put words on the page.

I know, from a very real and felt place, how astronomical some decisions are. I’ve felt the overwhelm of knowing in my heart and brain and gut that I need to make big life changes, but have put it off because I couldn’t see what that alternative version of my life would look like. That not knowing place is terrifying. Sometimes it feels easier to sit in the normal place, because at least you know what to expect, at least there’s some safety in the normal. What if you act and your new normal is shit? That fear is legitimate. But, my darling, the reverse is also true, what if it’s amazing? I promise you this, if you acknowledge your smarts and grace and resilience and trust that you’ll know how to make the next best choice, then it’ll make the action feel more achievable. Sometimes the next best choice is having a shower, and sometimes it’s leaving your marriage. If you practice tuning into yourself, you’ll know what the next best choice is. And that feels deeply comforting that I can rely on myself like that.

So, relax your shoulders, take a deep breathe, and make the next best choice, my darling.

Some reminders:

Feel however you feel…so many systems, including some in your own brains, built to make you feel like an asshole…feel the feelings. Acknowledge the feelings. Name them. Then you can release them and move on. They’re all legitimate.

Who can you vent to?…have a vent to someone you feel safe with, activate the group chat, and state your need of not wanting advice, and just wanting to get shit off your chest. Purge it. And if you don’t want to talk, or type it out, purge in a journal. When it’s out, it becomes real, and when it’s real, you can look at it, or hear it, and then deal with it.

Help…Do something for someone else, consider someone else’s needs and how you can meet them. The dopamine hit will feel good, and you’ll give them a dopamine hit too. We all just want to feel seen and heard. How can you make someone else feel seen? Donate money, or time, consider an act of service in your home, text someone you think is great and tell them.

Turn it off and dance it out…get out of the doom cycle, put the internet down, and when you feel ready to shift the shitty thoughts choose a new, better, thought that aligns with how you want to feel. Move the energy out of your body…don’t let that shit stagnate…move it…actually, shake, dance, walk, whatever feels good.

Gentle and easy…be gentle with yourself, and go easy on your heart and brain and body, how can you care for, and nurture, yourself right now? Actually. Not cliched self love tropes if they don’t float your boat. Do a self check-in. Ask yourself what you need? Physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. Notice what you notice, then do what you can to meet your needs.

Darling one, it’s a lot right now, but you’re doing enough. You are enough. I see you.

…and then the power came back on.

So much love.

Claire.