KEEP YOUR PLANE IN THE AIR
I'm concerned. I'm uncomfortable. We're unsafe.
Apologies for those we need the audio read version of this post that would normally sit here - i’ve lost my voice again, my loves, so can’t record today. If it is something you need, please let me know and i’ll update the post with it once my voice is better.
So, I’ve been thinking about plane crashes. Well kind of, research related to plane crashes that was spoken about in a recent episode of We Can Do Hard Things. One of them was reading Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers where is spoke about research related to commercial airline crashes. So, on any flight there is a pilot and a first officer who are both equally qualified, but have varying levels of experience, the pilot usually more. What they’ve discovered was incidents on planes are more likely to happen when the pilot is flying, over first officer. And when they looked into why that might be they discovered it’s more often because first officers were less likely to call out, highlight, or speak about issues in a direct way to the pilot. They did not feel empowered to speak up about issues or looming crisis, or would be less direct about their observations. Whereas, the pilots were more likely to communicate to first officers exactly what they saw and offer directions. In short, planes were crashing because WE CANNOT TALK TO EACH OTHER, AND WE HATE CONFLICT AND ARE SCARED OF OFFENDING PEOPLE WITH MORE POWER.
So, there is now a system in place for first officers to avoid this specific issue, which is mandated with consequences for not following this protocol and speaking up.
There’s four steps when an issue is noticed:
Firstly, they must say, “Captain, I’m concerned about…”
If there is no response, or no correction you then they must move to…
“Captain, I’m uncomfortable with…”
Again, if there is no response or correction…
They must move to, “Captain, I believe the situation is unsafe..”
And if there is no correction after these three attempts they are then required to take over the plane and correct the problem they see.
And since they’ve implemented this system the statistics around incidents have significantly decreased. BECAUSE OF IMPLEMENTING A SYSTEM TO EMPOWER PEOPLE TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY AND SAFELY.
IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Two illustrated plus size white femmes in pink and blue uniforms in the cockpit of a floral, pink and purple cockpit of a plane.
And, ever since I heard this on Thursday I’ve been pondering hard about all the relationships, situations, and especially the institutions, i’ve been in where no one has spoken up, where problems have festered, where it is unsafe. I’m thinking about leadership, communication, systems and the places now in my life where I feel implicit to maintain silence because, “it’s not my place,” or, “I don’t have the energy,” or, “I don’t want to rock the boat,” or, “It will lead to conflict,” and i’m furious about it.
Admittedly, there’s fewer of these moments, places or relationships in my life right now, because I am honing these truth telling skills the older I get. The fewer shits I give about how I am perceived, and also knowing the pain of not doing it, also means that conflict and truth telling is easier than before, but I know can do better. We can always do better.
Three times this week I’ve had conversations with young people about their capacity to speak aloud their relational aches. “Do you feel like you can articulate this to them?” I say. “No,” they say, and my response has been, “I know it’s terrifying and vulnerable, but people can not meet your needs if they don’t know what they are.” And I can see it in their faces and their bodies that they know I’m right, but, it’s still too terrifying, because there’s no systems, there’s no models, there’s no place to practice this so our nervous systems know we’re not in danger and that we’re capable of navigating the fall out of well, anything that unravels next as a result of speaking up.
Avoiding the true thing is fatal.
Whether that be flying a passenger aircraft, minimising your desires, or not speaking aloud and actioning the true thing. Fatal.
IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Two illustrated plus size femmes in pink and blue floral uniforms with headphones on a plane, sky and planes and flowers fly through through the sky in the window behind them. They’re looking at each other. It looks like the cover of an epic sapphic pilot fantasy.
So, I’m pondering this system and how we can use it and teach it and modify it.
I’m concerned about…
I’m uncomfortable with…
I feel like this situation is unsafe…
ACTION. ACTION. ACTION.
I think about how our words mean shit without action.
I think about the best managers, or mentors, or leaders who I’ve admired in my life and they’re the folks who walk their fucking talk. Who problem solve and listen and are accountable in their fuck ups. And I think about the managers, and leaders and mentors who I’ve been absolutely let down by in my life have all been because they said one thing and did another. The values they speak so proudly about are not seen in their behaviour and in the way they treat people. They choose power over people. They know things are wrong, and people are unsafe, and they do the bare minimum, or more often, nothing about it.
And it’s worth speaking about the structures and systems that are imbedded to ensure that people feel like they cannot speak up. The bigger political, social structures we exist within…capitalism, racism, white supremacy, industrialisation, patriarchy, homophobia we’re impacted by all of it. Power can’t be upheld if we fall out of line. We need to work, because we need to earn money, because we need to live and often that means we can’t rage against the machine as hard as we’d like. It’s unsafe. And becomes more and more unsafe for anyone existing on an intersection that isn’t the most powerful. And that is frustrating and infuriating and I totally understand why those bolder than I would happily burn it all down. When we then zoom in, look at the more micro, and consider the personal, the things we were taught in our communities, schools, families, upbringings. We throw on top of all that learning the inter-generational trauma, our specific chemicals, brain processing systems, and where the stars where when we were born, we’ll then have some idea of how we feel about conflict and speaking aloud the truest thing. Which, we’ve never been specifically taught how to do. Institutions of good manners, of being liked and likeable, not rocking the boat, being strong, our propensity for anxiety and babes, well what we are is TOTALLY FUCKED.
IT IS NO WONDER WE’D RATHER LET THE PLANE CRASH, OR NEVER GET THE HAIRCUT, OR QUIT OUR JOBS, OR TELL OUR BOSSES THEY’RE PERPETUATING A CULTURE THAT IS DEEPLY UNSAFE AND HURTING PEOPLE. BECAUSE IT IS HARD. IT HAS BEEN DESIGNED TO BE HARD. THEY NEED IT TO FEEL LIKE THE HARDEST THING IN THE WORLD BECAUSE POWER CANNOT BE PERPETUATED IF WE DON’T FALL IN LINE.
There is no profound place I’ve landed in this zygote of a pondering yet, other than to use this place to say to all of you, FOLKS, I AM CONCERCED AND UNCOMFORTALBE AND WE ARE ALL UNSAFE.
The only action I can think for us to take collectively is to take some, any. To practice bit-by-bit speaking aloud and behaving in a way that is most true for us, with a consideration of a greater, kinder good.
And the first step in that is to get really fucking still and to breathe and listen to ourselves, to even know how we feel. To practice doing it when the stakes are low. To practice being uncomfortable and knowing that we’ll be okay. To taking bolder and bolder swings in the way we live our lives, and exist in our relationships and communities. To get better at conflict. To model it for the young people in our lives. To feel our feelings and be accountable when we swing too far the other way and act like a dickhead. To get out of our heads and into our bodies so we know how we feel. To learn where the discomfort lives, and how it feels, and not mute it, or disassociate from it. To practice truth and compassion and how we hold both at the same time. To practice disappointing the people we love if it means not disappointing ourselves.
All the while acknowledging how fucking hard all of it is.
That’s it. That’s the grit. One day it’ll become a pearl.
IMAGE DESCRIPTION: The sapphic pilot fantasy continues as the face each other in a femme Top Gun vibes, but it’s a close up illustrated image and the sky and ocean is behind them. Like, they’re about to make out for sure, and I feel like the world will be better if they do.
But, I do want to say, you can tell me the uncomfortable things, loves. Let’s tell each other if you’ve got no where else to speak them aloud yet. You can practice here. Or in my DM’s. I won’t offer advice, or thoughts, but I will listen. And often that’s enough. To speak it aloud and have someone else say, me too, or I get it, or that’s really shit.
Here’s to keeping our own planes in the air, babes.
What’s the aerospace version of, Not Your Garden, Not Your Weeds? Protect your air space? Something to ponder.
So, much love.
Claire.
If you fancy you can sign up to support me and my writing and get a Sunday Grit Guild Journal club pondering in your box…most Sundays…when we’re not in ADHD burnout.
Pearler is written and created on the unceded lands of the Yuggera and Turrbal people here in Meanjin, and I pay my deep respect to First Nation Elders past and present. This always was, and always will be Aboriginal land.
I also want to acknowledge the atrocity and genocide we’re seeing play out in Palestine right now. I don’t believe I can wholeheartedly support sovereignty of this land I live on without honoring the impacts of colonisation of Indigenous people everywhere else. We need ongoing and final ceasefire.